Khaz’s Confession #1

Heyo!

Everyone probably have a bad habit or two. Usually, they’re something you picked up from you were just a wee child. So I must confess; ever since I could remember, I have been biting my nails to the brink of extinction.

Seriously, they are unhealthily short. Thus, my nails are prone to injury and bleeding.

Ever since I could remember, I have brushed off every comment and sermon from my parents about them. Before, I’ve never actually considered them as bad habits. Inside my head, I thought it was something normal for me. They sure look hideous but I did not give two craps.

So just recently, I’ve changed my mindset and suddenly, my attitude changed. It dawned upon me that the first step to stopping a bad habit – any bad habit – is to realize that it is, in fact, a bad habit.

Pretty abruptly, I started to try my best to stop. But the thing is, I bite my nails so frequently that it has become an under-my-conciousness thing. Whilst thinking, lost in my own little world, it just unconciously happen.

Last week was a dreadful exam week. Even more so as it is the first test week of my GCSE course. So naturally, the extreme levels of stress halfed the size of my nails. Something I didn’t think was even possible. Legit, oh my god. I think that was what triggered the change of my mindset.

I know for a fact that my mindset and self-control alone would be insufficient to stop this habit. Honesyly it ain’t a walk in the park. It was no longer a habit, I think it became a part of me. 

I have no choice but to sacrifice my pride and tape up all my fingers. It’s a pretty weird plan, I’ve noticed. Others noticed too. A classmate of mine asked if I inserted my hands in a food processor. Another friend of mine asked if I missed the target when cutting up vegetables. ( I have very … creative friends.)

But hey, one week in and it’s already successful and effective. They say it takes at least 21 days to stop a habit completely. I have yet to find out.

So, from this mess of a monologue, what moral can you extract? I’m not so sure myself. But maybe it’s this: sometimes you gotta throw away your pride and admit your mistakes. It’s something you have to do if you want to improve yourself, you know.

I’m trying my best and also hoping for the best. Let’s just see how this plays out.

ablaze

Coast of Doha, Qatar

29th November 2013

empty

Written on the 22nd April 2015

Revised on the 31st January 2016

Blazing monster of red shrouded my vision.

Lashed at me with slender claws. It dominated the area before the eye can blink. The kindling beast stood pompously – athirst to ingest me in his jaws. With desires of bloodshed, it attacked amok. It all betided apace. I stood unnerved; as if terror and shock cooperated to nullify my movements. Still.

Mercifully, fear forfeited in the clash against my impulse to live. I sprinted out of the building as if my life depended on it. It did. Luck sided with me as I endured another hurdling plight in life. With only minor injuries, I was pardoned home.

Deafening silence coerced me into contemplation. Why? Why a fire in what would’ve been an exciting moment in my life? All the hard work for the reward I so deserve, gone; wasted. I always thought luck regards me throughout life. Well, I was wrong. My life is a puzzle, it would always get chaotic but later on it would all fit together like pieces of a… puzzle. But in this moment, I feel as if I neglected a puzzle piece in the ravage of the fire. One of the many things I yearn to savor. One of the few things I need eternally, even for only a while.

Just fantasizing such a delicacy made my stomach growl. 

mountainous

  

Al Qassim, Saudi Arabia

20th December 2015

routinized

I woke up belated one day

And prepared for school straight away

I was ready to go

I told my mom so

She told me it was the holidays